How To Resolve Stress ( Resolving Stress )

Kristen Gygi
B.M., M.M.
H.S.E., Access Bars Practitioner NFA Performance Health Care Committee

Why Performance Anxiety is a Misnomer,* and How Knowing That Can Help You Solve It.

*Misnomer: a misapplied or inappropriate name or designation.

Many of us have experienced some form of stress or anxiety in our lives, whether performance-related or otherwise. And we are all familiar with the concept of stress management. But is managing our stress really the best we can do? Whether your anxiety is occasional or recurring, this article seeks to inspire new awareness that could lead to finding real solutions.

For the purposes of this article, please know that I consider stress and anxiety to belong to the family of fear, and I may use these terms interchangeably. Let’s define these terms (from dictionary.com):

1. Anxiety: distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune

2. Fear: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined

3. Stress: importance attached to a thing

In order to address this in a new way, the first thing to be aware of is that we each have an inner world and an outer world. The outer world contains everything in the physical world, everything we experience with our five basic senses: animals, vegetables, minerals, physical objects, etc. The inner world is where thoughts feelings, emotions, and imagination live. Note that we also have subtle or inner senses that correspond to the basic ones. Whether or not we are consciously aware of our inner world, all musicians are familiar with “hearing” a tune in our heads. Dreaming and visualization are examples of inner sight. Between your inner world and your outer world, where do stress, anxiety, and fear live? And where do you usually try to solve it?

Stress Relief Tip #1: Fear lives in your INNER World. Many of us make the mistake of trying to solve our stress by changing the world around us. While it is absolutely fundamental to human nature to look for ways to improve our lives, our experiences, and the world we live in, there is a limit to how much we can control outside of ourselves. And because fear does not exist in the outer world, trying to change the outer world to solve your fear is extremely inefficient. The good news is that it is entirely resolvable if you learn to address it in the inner world. Another way to say this is that stress is not caused by the circumstances around us. It is caused by our perception of and our response to the circumstances. Consider the fact that different people react differently to various things or circumstances: for example, how many people find tarantulas to be extremely creepy, where others keep them for cuddly pets? The key to solving stress is to shift your perception, which allows a new response. So let’s consider a new perception about anxiety.

Stress Relief Tip #2: Anxiety is not the problem, it is only an indicator. Perhaps one reason that people struggle with anxiety is that they treat it as the problem, rather than the indicator of the problem, so the actual problem is never addressed. To me, the idea of managing stress makes as much sense as managing the whistle on my tea kettle, or the gas gauge in my car. What if we were able to pinpoint the true cause of the stress, and deal with it directly?

What is your fear telling you? And what are you really afraid of?

Let’s consider performance-related fear. I would argue that performing is not the true source of our fear. This may be even easier to understand when we consider the somewhat antiquated version: stage fright. Is anyone really afraid of a stage, or even being on a stage? In most cases, the fear would only show up if there’s an audience. So isn’t it really the audience that we are concerned about, and more specifically, what they think of us?

Despite what any of us may think, the perceptions and opinions of others are not within our control. Stress could very well be an indication of trying to control the uncontrollable. In some way, it is always an indication that you are focused in opposition to what you want.

Let’s revisit this very interesting definition of stress: importance attached to a thing.

What importance are we attaching to other people’s perceptions of us? And what if we could stop making that significant, and instead make what we love about music more important?

Concern about what others think of us may not be the only source of fear, but it’s an extremely common one. And it may not be easy to shift it immediately. But here are some suggestions to consider, that may be helpful.

Accept that you can’t control whether or not anyone will judge you. It’s likely that some will.
Allow yourself to be aware that criticism is likely to affect you only if you agree with it on some level. So the best way to become immune to judgment is to stop judging yourself.
Allow yourself to be aware that judgment directed towards you is not really about you at all, but is always about the judge. If someone is judging you, make it a practice to notice what sort of mood that person is in. Chances are, they are not coming from a happy place, and if you make that connection, you can choose not to take it personally.
The above is true, even in the case of self-judgment. If you are judging you, you are are looking at yourself through someone else’s eyes.
Note that you have probably been practicing self-judgment and caring about the opinions of others for quite a while, and it may take some practice to break these habits. Be patient with yourself, and give yourself credit for knowing how to practice! While these concepts are fairly simple, they’re not always easy to apply. Start by asking some questions: How else could I think about this? What might be a more useful perception?

At a past convention, a presenter commented on the difference between playing and performing. He suggested that many of us focus only on playing, and that we need to learn to perform better. I loved thinking of the distinction between playing and performing, and I began to ask what performing means to me. This is a question for each musician to consider. What does performing mean to you? For me, it’s about loving the music and wanting others to be able to share the experience, both with other musicians and sometimes with an audience. If I’m thinking about sharing music that I love instead of worrying about whether or not the audience is judging me, there’s very little room for fear. Some people define courage as acting in spite of fear, but I look at it differently. The root of the word courage means heart. When we are connected to our hearts, fear has no power to interfere.

Kristen Gygi is a flutist, singer, teacher, coach, Human Software Engineer and Access Bars Practitioner, with a specialty in resolving anxiety and finding new perspectives. She presents at conventions, festivals, colleges and universities and she serves on the NFA Performance Health Care Committee.